My little love story...

In 2002, when I was 15, my heart was broken for the first time in my life. The pieces of my heart was wrenching in pain every night and I struggled to hold myself strong to face the day. I could vividly remember the dark and lonely nights where I felt abandoned in the world. I thought my heart could never fall in love again and I was certain I would have withered in the piercing pain.

In 2003, when I was 16, you came along like a shooting star flitting across my dark skies. You took me in as your godsister on the eve of Valentine's day, giving me the unconditional and true brotherly love and care I always wanted from a big brother. I was rescued from misery by you. We both thought I was still very much in love with someone else. But gradually, I know the feeling I harboured for you was definitely more that just a brother. I thought I could be satisfied with the brotherly love you gave to me so I never asked for more, fearing that I would scare you away for then, you were my sole pillar of strength. Although my heart yearned for romance, I kept myself single for you, trying to convince myself to be satisfied with just your brotherly love. I thought I could make it, but I couldnt hide from my feelings for you anymore.

I know that something was blossoming in my heart, but I couldnt voice it up to you. Do you care for me merely like a sister or am I something more to you? I never bring up the courage to ask you. I know for sure you were indispensable in my life, but I wasnt certain about your feelings for me. Even my family and friends could see that I was head over heels in love with you, but you never made a move to show that you wanted to be more than just friends.

We had a gathering with our friends over at your home. Although its not the first time I spent the night together with our group of friends(consisting of boys and girls), you ordered me to sleep on the upper deck of your bed, with you. I felt safe lying next to you for I was certain you were a real gentleman and I was right. You never took advantage of me. We were lying next to one another, shoulders touching and I constantly feel the invisible current under my skin that was touching yours yearning more for your touch. I never gotten any sleep that night, for throughout the long night, I was battling the thought to hold you and bury myself in your arms. Although there were many others wide awake on the lower deck of your bed and scattered all around the room, I was happy and contented to be quietly lying next to you although I never knew your feelings for me.

On MSN, you were telling me about your dream car. You said that if you were rich, you want to buy a two-seater car. I commented that you were selfish for you could only drive your girlfriend around but not me in the future. You promised you will drive me around. I was elated. I thought you implied a possiblitiy that we could be together but the conversation ended there and I couldnt get a confirmation from you.

You promised me that you will fetch me to my Prom Night when you pass your driving test. I heard that once from someone else and it didnt really seems like it was gonna happen but I know you were different and you never ever lied to me so I was full of anticipation. When you really passed you driving test, you took me on a ride the first chance you get and I was basking in happiness. My feelings for you were stronger every passing day but I was sure my feelings for you would hinder our brotherly relationship if one day you were to start dating someone else. I was in a dilemma for I never wanted to lose you, even if we could not be together as lovers. I did not want to go back to the days where my life was bleak as I wasnt sure someone else will come along to rescue me, just like you did then. I took the CI course as an opportunity to tune you out of my life for I knew I would be busy and away for 3 weeks.

Everyday, I reminded myself to let you go, I was worn out physically and mentally by the extreme trainings, but every ounce of my free time was still spent anticipating your call or sms. When you really smsed me for dinner, I was over the moon. But I reminded myself I had to let you go so I roped in another friend who happen to book out for the night. When we reached, I was surprised by the dejected look on your face when you see our friend. But your jubilant boyish smile when you see me was enough to chase away all my attempts to forget you and reignite my feelings for you.

When I faced some trouble during the training, the first person I thought of was you. You were as worried as I am and offered all the help you could for me. Although I was troubled, I was still comforted by your care and concern. But I convinced myself that it was merely your brotherly love for me once again.

You asked me out to accompany you on a shopping trip to buy Xmas presents. It was our first single date. We took a cab to Orchard Hotel as you wanted to know the route to drive me there for my Prom Night. I was ecstatic as we walked around Orchard admiring the dazzling Xmas decorations that dotted the streets. You asked me what I wanted for Xmas, I was very tempted to reply that you were all I want for Xmas, so I told you there is nothing I wanted for Xmas. Along the way, I saw a gigantic Funshine Bear and gave it a hug. The picture of the sun on the stomach of the carebear reminded me of your dimpled smile. You asked me if that was what I wanted for Xmas, I hesitated and shook my head. But gave another longing glance at the sun that reminded me of you. You grabbed the bear and headed to the cashier, giving it to me as my Xmas gift.

Everyday, I eyed the Funshine Bear that now sits in the most important corner of my room. I gave myself a deadline to forget you. Its nearing Xmas so I promised myself to forget you by New Years Day. I was upset. But I resolve it would be the best for us. Just like Eason's song: "就让我们虚伪, 有感情别浪费, 不能相爱的一对, 亲爱象两兄妹"

On the day of Prom Night, you arrived promptly at my void deck. I was deck out in my gown and you complimented me, saying I look really pretty. I was exuberant. While I was at the Prom Night, you loitered alone along Orchard Road, patiently waiting for my Prom Night to end. You skipped dinner and wandered on the bustling streets alone, waiting just to fetch me back. I was very touched but I was also a little upset. Now it would be harder for me to forget you, but its a promise to myself that I am determined to keep.

On Xmas eve, we were having our usual gathering at a friend's place. At the gathering, you asked me on a movie date, I was excited but I know I had to do my best to forget you, so I asked the rest of our friends if they wanted to join us. Surprisingly, none of them wanted to join us. I was not given a choice. The movie date was set on a Saturday, 28 December 0f 2003. Its was 3 days away from my self implemented deadline to forget you and I was determined to do it, but my heart wenched at the thought of missing this last date with you. I told myself to treat it like a last luxury to feed my feelings for you before shutting my feelings for you up totally.

On 28 December 2003, we were alone in the movie. I felt cold so you gave me your jacket. I push myself into the long sleeves of your jacket but was still shaking in cold. You took my hands in yours and tried to warm it up. I was pleasantly surprised, but I thought it was just a friendly brotherly measure. I look into your eyes and you flashed me your dimpled smile that melted every ounce of my heart. During the scary scenes, you carefully shield my eyes with your palm and laid my head on your shoulder. I was silently celebrating internally. After we left the cinema, you grab the sleeves of your jacket that I had donned on, leading me in the right direction. Just when I thought you were going to let go of the jacket sleeve, you slid your hand into the sleeves of the jacket and held my hands tightly with the same dimpled smile that I still remembered so vividly. I know I was blushing and my heart was beating erratically. It was almost as though I was dreaming but your grip was so firm and comforting that it was melting me internally.

Although you never tell me to be your girlfriend, I knew from that moment your hand will be the hand I want to hold on, even when I am old and withered. I know I will never let you go.

In 2010, when I was 23, you asked for my hand in marriage and gave me the best wedding I had ever wished for on 16 October of 2010. For you are the only one I truly wanted in life, and I know you will love me, as much as I ever love you. I was thrilled at the thought of starting a family with you as I know you are the missing piece that fits perfectly for me.

One day, I may start having lines on the end of my eyes. My skin may wrinkle up and lose its elasticity. I may start forgetting things and dates. But I am writing this down so that no matter what happens in the future, if I really ever forget you or our love, I know that I will be able to remind myself how deep my love for you will always be..